When I decided to start this blog, I thought it would serve as a platform for me to share my stories of raising the Big Beasties with our family and friends. While the blog has certainly done that, it has also become a way for me to document my experience and honest to goodness feelings throughout this journey. I decided awhile back that one day, I would print off the pages of this blog for the Big Beasties. I want them to hear my perspective on things (when they are older of coarse!). My hope is that they will see that they were a HUGE challenge for Randy and I, but also the most loved little boys ever. They bring us a tremendous amount of joy.

I want to take a moment to give thanks for all that I have. I know that in previous posts I've written about all of the challenges that Randy and I have faced. In no way do I want this misinterpreted as complaining about things. I am eternally grateful for my family. I am so lucky and I certainly realize this. The Big Beasties were born without any complications and have grown to be big (and I do mean BIG) healthy boys. It's easy to take health for granted, but I know that it is such a gift. I thank God everyday for my beautiful boys. I'm amazed by how they are growing and thriving as little men. I love them more than I ever dreamt possible. Quite simply, there are not enough words in the dictionary to adequately say how much I love them. I would do absolutely anything in the world for them. A parent's love is just unspeakable....Now, please forgive me for bragging about my Beasties for a few minutes.

Randy-My little nutto

What does he do now a days? Constant motion!!! The only time he stops moving is immediately before he falls asleep. Here's what he's been up to.

1.Lately, he likes to use me as his own personal jungle jim. He climbs and climbs. Once he gets to a standing position, he is not quite sure what to do so he tips over and just starts climbing again. He pretty much does this all day long. It never seems to get boring to him I guess.

2.Randy is also doing his version of crawling. It's definitely not your traditional crawl, but then again, Randy is not your traditional kid. His crawl is a mix of "the worm" and the army crawl. It's a little slow, but he can get the job done. He picks a mission and accomplishes it at all costs. Some of his favorites missions include: tipping over our dog's food and water (if he is really fast and beats me to it, he gets to sample some of Marley's food), unplugging things such as the computer and TV, licking shoes and stealing Reece's toys.

3.Randy currently has two teeth. He likes to pretend to hug me, but really he is just trying to bite my shoulder. He fooled me a few times and now I'm onto him.

4. Randy can now stand unassisted while holding onto furniture. This is a little scary for me yet, but I'm trying to get over it.

5. He does "Rock N Roll". Basically, he rocks back and forth when we sing or when we tell him to "Rock N Roll."

6. He also makes lot and lots of weird sounds, on command may I add, that I can't clearly describe.

I'm sure he does more than 6 things, but on to the pictures!!

Reecey Bear-I can't think of just one word to describe him. He is changing so much everyday. He went from being shy and quiet to an aggressive little Beasto. Here's what occupies Reece's day.

1. Lots and lots of babbling. Everything from dadada, mamama, to gagaga. It's never quiet with Reece around. When he sees Daddy, he usually gets out dadada.

2. Terrorizing Marley. He loves to pull her hair and not so gently pet her. The little Beastie finds this so hilarious. Speaking of things Reece finds hilarious...

3. Everything... He is a little giggle puss. He laughs at sneezes, burps, sounds on TV, funny faces you name it.

4. John Deere Tractors and trucks. He can't get enough of them. He pushes is tractor around and makes a tractor noise. It is so precious. He'll play content as can be as long as he has his tractor. He also likes to look out the window for trucks. I think the boy might turn into a gear head. (I hope not, but I think so.)

5. What I like to call "butt scooting". He gets everywhere he wants to go by scooting on his butt. He can darn near cross a room if he want to. If he can't figure out where he wants to go exactly, he just spins in circles on his butt.

6. Shakes his head no and yes when you say the words. I can already tell that he is partial to no.....

Most importantly in my world, the Big Beastie are FINALLY holding their own bottles. These boys are 10.5 months old!! It's about freakin' time...

And finally, here is a picture of the Big Beasties doing the best they can so that I could get a picture of the two of them..

Cigarettes, Miracle Blankets and Vincent Jackson

Last fall/winter was easily the most difficult time of my life. While I was totally in love with my boys, I was also severly exhausted. Who knew that two little miracles would totally turn my life upside down? Looking back, as we quickly approach the Big Beasties first birthday, I now realize there were a few small things that saved my sanity.

1. Miracle Blankets
Throughout my pregnancy, I had heard from other new moms about this blanket, that truly worked miracles they claimed. Supposedly it was a swaddle that was unbreakable. Moms claimed that their babies slept hours longer at night when they used this blanket. I was not so convinced it would work for us. However after weeks and weeks of not sleeping longer than 2-3 hrs per stretch, I decided to give it a shot. I did a little research and was very disappointed to find out that these blankets sold for $30 a piece! Yikes!! I found my first Miracle Blanket on Craigslist. I tried it out on Reece the first night. It probably would've worked okay, but Randy continued to wake up ALL. NIGHT. LONG. The next day I decided I had to go big or go home. I found a second blanket on ebay. I counted down the hours until that thing arrived. I vividly remember watching out the window for the mailman to arrive. In my tired haze, I would perch myself next to the window. I felt like a crack head waiting for the crack to arrive. Nervously pacing my living room....

Alas, the blanket arrives!! My husband really thought I was crazy for putting so much faith into a blanket. "This is not just a blanket honey...", I told him the first night. "This blanket is going to change our live."

As it turns out, the blanket did in fact work. Randy and I refered to them as the "baby straight jackets". Every night, we snuggly secured the Big Beasties into their straight jackets. Almost immediately, they started sleeping 4hrs per stretch. Thank you Miracle Blanket. To all of you new parents out there, get one ASAP.

2. Cigarettes
Obviously, I gave up smoking during the pregnancy. I really thought that I would not start again after the babies were born. When the boys were about 3 weeks old, I told Randy I was going to run to Blockbuster. Before I left, I snuck a cigarette from his pack. Of coarse as any good closet smoker would do, I grabbed lotion, gum and body spray as well. (I didn't want him to know that I smoked.) As I lit the cigarette, I was hoping it would taste really crappy. Nope. It was heaven. From that day on, I plotted when I could have my next cigarette, undetected. Smoking in secret turned into only smoking at night and then only with coffee and at night blah blah blah. Smoking was my escape. I would go outside, away the Big Beasties and just sit and smoke. It was my break. One cold wintery day, the Big Beasties were being extra beasty. Lots and lots of crying and whining. It was about 5:30, Randy wouldn't be home for 2 more hours. I was about to lose it when I got an idea. I put on my shoes and ran 10ft to the neighbors. I knocked on the door and asked them to bum a smoke. Of coarse they gave me one and asked if I wanted to come in. "No, " I replied, "the boys are at home." I they looked a bit shocked, but they could probably see the despair on my face. "What are they doing?" they asked. "Screaming their heads off," I told them. We went over and smoked on my porch. When we were done, my neighbor and I went inside only to find both boys fast asleep. (I was probably outside less than five minutes.) I remember this so clearly. It really saved me that day. Honestly, I was about to go nuts. Smoking was my out. Judge all you want..I did what I had to do. Ted and Lisa, thanks for saving me that day. I'm sure Randy and Reece thank you as well..

A quick follow up: I quit smoking over 4 months ago. This time for good!

3. Vincent Jackson

For those of you who don't know, this is Vincent Jackson. He is a wide receiver for the San Diego Chargers. Though he doesn't know it, he too is responsible for saving my sanity. He was on my Fantasy Football team. With all of the stress on our lives, Randy and I lived for Sundays. We watched football from the time we woke up in the morning until we fell asleep at night. We started counting down to Sunday on Monday morning. Fantasy Football, made Sundays that much sweeter. V Jack was my star. Sunday after Sunday he came through for me. I ended up winning the Super Bowl of our league.

The point of this post, is that little things can pull you through. For me it was Miracle Blankets, cigarettes and V Jack. What gets you through your dark days?

(Disclaimer: I would also like to add that we couldn't have made it through without our wonderful families. They too were our angels. Secondly, I never smoked around the boys, and no I never neglected them. I love them more than anything else in the world, even if they are beasty.)