Cigarettes, Miracle Blankets and Vincent Jackson

Last fall/winter was easily the most difficult time of my life. While I was totally in love with my boys, I was also severly exhausted. Who knew that two little miracles would totally turn my life upside down? Looking back, as we quickly approach the Big Beasties first birthday, I now realize there were a few small things that saved my sanity.

1. Miracle Blankets
Throughout my pregnancy, I had heard from other new moms about this blanket, that truly worked miracles they claimed. Supposedly it was a swaddle that was unbreakable. Moms claimed that their babies slept hours longer at night when they used this blanket. I was not so convinced it would work for us. However after weeks and weeks of not sleeping longer than 2-3 hrs per stretch, I decided to give it a shot. I did a little research and was very disappointed to find out that these blankets sold for $30 a piece! Yikes!! I found my first Miracle Blanket on Craigslist. I tried it out on Reece the first night. It probably would've worked okay, but Randy continued to wake up ALL. NIGHT. LONG. The next day I decided I had to go big or go home. I found a second blanket on ebay. I counted down the hours until that thing arrived. I vividly remember watching out the window for the mailman to arrive. In my tired haze, I would perch myself next to the window. I felt like a crack head waiting for the crack to arrive. Nervously pacing my living room....

Alas, the blanket arrives!! My husband really thought I was crazy for putting so much faith into a blanket. "This is not just a blanket honey...", I told him the first night. "This blanket is going to change our live."

As it turns out, the blanket did in fact work. Randy and I refered to them as the "baby straight jackets". Every night, we snuggly secured the Big Beasties into their straight jackets. Almost immediately, they started sleeping 4hrs per stretch. Thank you Miracle Blanket. To all of you new parents out there, get one ASAP.

2. Cigarettes
Obviously, I gave up smoking during the pregnancy. I really thought that I would not start again after the babies were born. When the boys were about 3 weeks old, I told Randy I was going to run to Blockbuster. Before I left, I snuck a cigarette from his pack. Of coarse as any good closet smoker would do, I grabbed lotion, gum and body spray as well. (I didn't want him to know that I smoked.) As I lit the cigarette, I was hoping it would taste really crappy. Nope. It was heaven. From that day on, I plotted when I could have my next cigarette, undetected. Smoking in secret turned into only smoking at night and then only with coffee and at night blah blah blah. Smoking was my escape. I would go outside, away the Big Beasties and just sit and smoke. It was my break. One cold wintery day, the Big Beasties were being extra beasty. Lots and lots of crying and whining. It was about 5:30, Randy wouldn't be home for 2 more hours. I was about to lose it when I got an idea. I put on my shoes and ran 10ft to the neighbors. I knocked on the door and asked them to bum a smoke. Of coarse they gave me one and asked if I wanted to come in. "No, " I replied, "the boys are at home." I they looked a bit shocked, but they could probably see the despair on my face. "What are they doing?" they asked. "Screaming their heads off," I told them. We went over and smoked on my porch. When we were done, my neighbor and I went inside only to find both boys fast asleep. (I was probably outside less than five minutes.) I remember this so clearly. It really saved me that day. Honestly, I was about to go nuts. Smoking was my out. Judge all you want..I did what I had to do. Ted and Lisa, thanks for saving me that day. I'm sure Randy and Reece thank you as well..

A quick follow up: I quit smoking over 4 months ago. This time for good!

3. Vincent Jackson

For those of you who don't know, this is Vincent Jackson. He is a wide receiver for the San Diego Chargers. Though he doesn't know it, he too is responsible for saving my sanity. He was on my Fantasy Football team. With all of the stress on our lives, Randy and I lived for Sundays. We watched football from the time we woke up in the morning until we fell asleep at night. We started counting down to Sunday on Monday morning. Fantasy Football, made Sundays that much sweeter. V Jack was my star. Sunday after Sunday he came through for me. I ended up winning the Super Bowl of our league.

The point of this post, is that little things can pull you through. For me it was Miracle Blankets, cigarettes and V Jack. What gets you through your dark days?

(Disclaimer: I would also like to add that we couldn't have made it through without our wonderful families. They too were our angels. Secondly, I never smoked around the boys, and no I never neglected them. I love them more than anything else in the world, even if they are beasty.)

So at the end of the last post I said that I would post pictures soon. That is actually a little bit of a lie. Our laptop is down, so I can't upload more pics, but I just happened to have this one saved. Here's the four of us at a wedding this past weekend!!!

To my 10 loyal followers:
I must apologize for my extended leave of absence. I wish that I could report that Randy and I ran off to Mexico for another fun filled week, but no. We have been busy cleaning and scrubbing our little (okay medium sized) butts off!!!

About two weeks ago, we thought that maybe we should consider selling our condo to get a bigger house. The ole condo just isn't big enough for the Big Beasties and all of their "stuff". To give you a little idea what I'm talking about, our living room the home of 2 red race car walkers, 2 height chairs, 2 exersaucers, toys, balls, rattles, boppys and bumbos. That's not all folks! We can't forget Marley.... She has her kennel, food water and toys too! Needless to say, we are packed to the max.

In the past two weeks, we somehow managed to clean our entire place, rent a 10x10x10 storage unit and fill it from floor to ceiling, clean out our garage, paint 3 rooms and "stage" the entire house for showings. In addition, we have attended two weddings and a bachelor party. (All of these events were out of town mind you!) If you are not impressed yet, you should be.

Since Mommy and Daddy were preoccupied, the Big Beasties had to make their own fun. They found all kinds of fun things to do on their own. Trying to stick fingers in light sockets, knocking over ice cream pails of Pine Sol water on the carpet, tipping over bar stools ontop of themselves, eating Marley's toys and playing in garbages to name a few fun things they did.

All in all, it was a very stressful, yet productive past few weeks. Thank goodness it's over!!! Hopefully we'll be able to sell soon so that the Big Beasties will have lots of room to play and do sassy Big Beastie things!

Take care all!!
PS I'll post a few recent pictures soon! They are just too cute not to share.

Our first family outing...

On our second sleep-deprived day home, the Big Beasties had their first doctor's appointment. Randy and I scrambled to get them ready and out the door on time. It was rough, but we got the job done. To be honest, I barely remember this part of the day. I think I was still wandering around in a haze.

We arrived at the clinic and unpacked our big double stroller. Before we even made our way into the building, we were stopped by total strangers who wanted to see the boys and ask us a bunch of questions. Are they twins? Yes, they are twins. Are they identical? Nope, not identical. How do you tell them apart? You must be so tired. On and on...We didn't mind. We were proud new parents. (To this day, every time we go out, we get the same questions. I'll save these stories for another day.)

The boys exam checked out perfectly. At the end of the appointment, the doctor looked over at Randy and I and asked us how we were holding up. I guess he could see through our smiles. Randy and I looked at each other, imagine the deer-in-headlights look. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. There was no holding back. I completely broke. The three of talked about the struggles of becoming new parents, the stress of caring for two infants, and of coarse, the lack of sleep. Randy held my hand the entire time. At the end of the conversation, the doctor told us that it WOULD get better. Randy and I looked at each other, completely unconvinced.

Randy at the first doctor's appointment.


Me and Big Beasties getting ready to leave the doctor's officel.

After our doctors appointment, we decided to take the boys to visit Grandma Sharon. (Just a little more info for those who don't know: Sharon runs a home for people with Alzheimer's.) Once we arrived, the house was abuzz. The ladies were just in love with the boys. Grandma Sharon and the ladies took the boys. Lots of awing, cuddling, kissing, and singing ensued. For the first time in a week, Randy and I didn't have babies in our arms. We immediately headed for the kitchen....We lucked out! Fresh hot delicious chili! We helped ourselves to a bowl. In between bites, I looked up and Randy and I locked eyes. Again, the tears returned to my eyes. The stress was breaking me. (Lack of sleep certainly didn't help these matters either.) Randy reached over and grabbed my hand. I knew that every thing was going to be okay. I must say, it was one of the most romantic moments of my life. Yes, a bowl of chili at the my mother-in-laws house. That moment beat out our romantic time spent in Hawaii. It beat out fancy dinners at high-end restaurants. In that moment, I knew that I had a true partner. Here' a picture from that day.

Please take note of how fabulous I look...


And just for fun, here is a recent picture of the Big Beasties



Grandpa Joe was an extra for the movie "Public Enemies" hence the shirts.

I remember it as if it were yesterday.....

Randy and I were so excited to bring our beautiful baby boys home. We'd spent a good portion of the pregnancy day dreaming about lazy Sunday afternoons with our boys. As luck would have it, we bought our boys home on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. We'd planned to spend the day snuggling babies and watching football. There were two small problems with our plan. The first being our lack of planning from a logistical perspective. When we got home, we had to rearrange our living space a bit. We had to make room for the pack n play, feeding supplies, changing supplies and all of our "souvenirs" from the hospital. Getting organized took much longer than expected. As we were about to find out, absolutely everything takes longer when you have two babies to manage. The second problem with our little plan was that we had been planning on bringing the home the BEST BABIES ever, not the Big Beasties.

Luckily, my mom was there to help us. The chaos of the day didn't seem to bother her.

In between helping us organize and making us dinner, she got her fair share of snuggling and kissing in.

Daddy also got in on the snuggle action.

By about 9:00, we were all thoroughly exhausted. We decided to call it a night. Randy and I thought it would be best for the boys to stay in the Pack N Play in our room for the first few weeks. I was nursing, so it seemed like a good idea. We put the boys in the Pack N Play and turned out the lights. I think we were in bed for a full 5 minutes before it all went south.

One of the boys had the hiccups and eventually started fussing. I got up and walked around with my tiny baby for awhile. Once he appeared to be asleep I gently placed him back down and crawl into my cozy warm bed. All in days work I thought....Another 2 minutes or so goes by, lots and lots of little farts, of course, followed by fussing. This time it was the other one. Oh well, no big deal. I again snuggle by sweet boy back to sleep. And again, I'm all tucked in my warm bed. (By this time, Daddy is fast asleep.) Hiccups again! Are you kidding me?!

I think at this point I decided to put the boys in the nursery in their cribs. (So much for keeping them right by us..) I didn't want to wake Daddy. This cycle continues for awhile. About 2 hours into the show, both boys were crying. My mom woke up and grabbed a baby. The plan was to divide and conquer. This seemed to work......for about 2 minutes. I swear, we'd get one settled and the other one would wake up. It was HELL. Around 3 in the morning, my mom and I were still up bouncing and singing to crying babies. I remember looking at my mom with eyes full of tears. "How are we going to do this?'" I asked. "Well, you can't give them back", was her answer. I cried and cried that night. My mom did the same.....

Around 3:30 I woke Randy. He told me the next day that he could "see" how terrified I was. Randy finished out the night shift on his own. While I don't think he cried like my mom and I did, I'm positive he wanted to.

Sometime on Randy's shift, he discovered a miracle fix. The nuc. Before we brought the Big Beasties home, we decided that we wouldn't use nucs for the first few weeks. The nurses in the nursery told us that sometimes nucs made it more difficult for babies to nurse. Randy immediately "confessed" in the morning to using the nucs. I remember saying to him, "if it works, let's do it." We made it less than 12 hrs without the nucs. We were in survival mode. Do whatever it takes.

After lots of coffee and a few laughs recapping the night, we went on about our day in good spirits.

Certainly with sweet little faces like this around, how bad could the day be. We took turns catching cat naps.

Looking back, I'm not sure what Randy and I were thinking. Everyone kept telling us how difficult having twins would be. It's not that we didn't believe it. Sure, we thought we'd be tired. What new parent isn't? Nothing can truly prepare you for going 2 months without sleeping more than a two hour stretch at a time. Nothing can prepare you for the major lifestyle adjustments. The list goes on and on. I quickly figured out a way for me to cope all of the new stressed and anxiety..................

A nice glass of wine in the evening..

Randy and I kind of laugh when we think back on that first night, though it's still a little raw (our boys are 8 months old now). We still get that sick feeling in the pit our stomachs if we think about that first night for too long. We made it though, that's all that matters.

On a side note, the nucs never did ruin our boys. They survived nucs and all.

We have the best babies EVER...

The day the boys were born, I was high in more ways than one. It was truly amazing becoming a mother to two beautiful, perfectly healthy baby boys. (The other reason I was high was the IV Diluadid, but whatever.) I'll never forget the first time I held them. It was very surreal. Randy and I were blissfully happy. The long wait was over, our boys were here. Everything seemed perfect. The first night of their life, the nurses encouraged Randy and I to send the boys to the nursery. No way we thought! We want them right here with us. We kept them in the room and the blissfulness continued. Randy, the boys and I all were dead asleep by 9:30pm. The boys woke up a few times throughout the night to nurse and went immediately back to sleep. Ahhh, life was great. We were thrilled. Things seemed to be going well. Everyone kept saying how much work twins would be. Day 1 was a piece of cake. Lucky us we thought, our boys are such good sleepers!

Day 2
More of the same blissfulness. We had lots of visitors and we were so proud to show off our boys. They NEVER cried! It was a miracle I say. Since the boys had yet to really be in the nursery at all, the nurses encouraged us to send them for the night. "You two need to get your rest, " they told us. Oh no, we told them, we want them to stay. Around 10 pm, they finally convinced us to send the boys. I only sent them under the condition that the nurses would bring them back to feed. I expected the boys would be getting up around 1am. Randy and I again promptly fell asleep. I woke up around 1:30am and called the nurse. I asked if they would please bring in the boys to nurse. She told me that she already fed them. She said that I was sleeping so soundly that she didn't want to wake me. Well, I tell ya, this really irritated me. They were due to get up to eat next around 3:30am. I barely slept the rest of that night because I thought the nurses would "accidentally" forget to wake me. At 3:25 I called the nurse. She brought in the boys. They nursed and again, went right back to sleep. In the morning, Randy and I marveled at how well the boys slept. We have the BEST babies ever!!

Day 3

All smiles from everyone! The boys were as content as can be. We were planning our discharge for the next day. In preparation for going home, Randy and I thought we would keep the boys in our room all night. We ordered pizza, feed the boys and put them down for bedtime. One of them started fussing immediately, so I held him for awhile and he eventually fell asleep in my arms. I put him in his bassinet and I crawled into my bed. Not 2 minutes later, the other baby started. I remember exchanging a slightly puzzled look with Randy. Baby #2 also fell asleep in my arms after a short time. I was all snuggled in my bed for the second time by about 10pm. Not bad... By 10:15 both boys were screaming inconsolably. They weren't hungry or wet, what was the problem? After about 10 minutes of screaming, Randy and I decided to walk them in the halls. We were surprised to see 4 other couples doing the same thing. All of us with a confused/tired looks on our faces. We walked and walked, lap after lap. The boys were no screaming, just fussing. Once we got them both quiet, we tried to lay them down. They cried. This story repeats itself several times over. While walking our laps, we stared at the nurses as we walked by. Wasn't anyone going to help us!!

It was like 1am. Finally, we walked the boys to the nursery ourselves. On a side note, the other couples pacing the halls with their babies quickly followed suit. We had no shame. We caved. I must say, it was quite amusing to see the couples line up with their babies as we were checking ours in. It seemed no one wanted to be the first. Needless to say, the boys stayed there until morning. I asked that they not be brought in to nurse.

Day 4

We were tired. Randy and I were wondering what the heck had happened the night before. Who knows, must be a fluke we thought. Our boys NEVER cry. They eat and go right back to sleep.

We were ready to go home. Our plan was to pack up and get home ASAP. Football was on and the hospital certainly did not have the Sunday Ticket.

We put the boys in their "going home outfits". As you can see, even the teeny tiny preemie outfits didn't fit.

Don't ask who's who because I have no idea. They have different hats on, so I know that there is a picture of each of them.

It took what seemed like forever to get all of the discharge paperwork done.

Here we are all set to go!! Let's go home and raise some babies!!!

How it all began....

Randy and I were married on April 14, 2007. As the old saying goes, it was a perfect day. It really was a wonderful day. In fact, it was almost surreal. I married my best friend and was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the most important people in my life.




In the fall of that same year, we starting talking about children. We both really wanted a big family one day, and so the "timing" discussion ensued. We both had great jobs, had a nice home, and had done a lot of traveling. In fact, we had done A LOT of traveling. We had been to Vegas, Hawaii, Jamaica and New York City together to name a few. It seemed like a pretty decent time to have a baby. After all, if we wanted a big family, we surely weren't getting any younger. I just had one small problem with this plan. I was supposed to be in one of my best friend's weddings in October of 2008. Surely I didn't want to be ginormuosly pregnant and in a bridesmaid's dress. I decided to try and wait to get pregnant until early summer of 2008. That way, I'd be pregnant for the wedding, but not HUGELY pregnant. So that was that, we had a plan in place.

Fast forward to March 2008. I had a nagging suspicion that I was pregnant. After a week or so of secretly wondering, I decided to take the plunge. I sheepishly made my way to the local Walgreens and bought a test. For some reason, I couldn't even make eye contact with the lady at the checkout. What was my problem? I was 28. I guess I'll never know. Once I got home, I immediately peed on the stick. I was so nervous, I had to leave the room for the two minutes it took for the little stick to process my results. I waited the two minutes sitting anxiously on bed. That two minutes seemed to take forever! After the longest two minutes ever, I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Sure enough, I had two lines.

I was surprised by my lack of reaction to the news. I was simply shocked. Not overly happy, not particularily sad, just shocked. Randy was at his bowling league. A lot of thoughts were running through my head. How was I going to spring this on him? Should I wrap up a pair of cute little baby booties and attach a crafty little note? Maybe bake a cake and write "Congrats Daddy" on it. Well as I sat there daydreaming of creative ways to tell my husband he was going to be a daddy again (for those that don't know, Randy has a 13 year old daughter named Shiloh), I decided to go to the bowling alley. I sat there watching him bowl with a perma-grin on my face. I just couldn't stop smiling. He kept asking me what was going on. "Nothing" I'd reply, with the perma-grin still on my face. After about a half hour I cracked. "I'm pregnant," I whispered in his ear. So much for the cute and creative approach, I just told him in the bowling alley. He pretty much had the same reaction I that I had had a few hours earlier. Pure shock. I don't really know why we were so shocked, we'd kind of been trying.

The shock quickly turned to unbridled excitemen and joy. I set up our first ultrasound for March 27, Randy's birthday. I thought "seeing" his baby for the first time would be a cool birthday gift. We went to the ultrasound as excited as can be. We were holding hands, smiling ear to ear as the ultrasound started. The ultrasound tech could tell how excited we were. She started the scan and looked at us and said, " Are you ready to meet your baby or babies?" Randy and I said nothing. "Here is Baby A and here is Baby B" the lady said. WHAT!!! "Does that mean we have twins?!!" We both cried. The ultrasound lady was so excited. She proceeded to tell us how this was her favorite part of the job. After a few minutes the lady asked us,"you're crying because you are happy right?" Umm, no... not so much. I remember thinking I do NOT want to push out two babies. I guess I must have said this out loud at some point, because the ultrasound lady told me "Oh honey don't worry, you don't have to push them out if you don't want to." Okay, that makes it a little better I guess. It's funny the things we fixate on isn't it? Randy quickly regained his composure. Not me, I cried the entire one hour appointment. By the end of the appointment, I was beginning to get a LITTLE excited, but mostly still just terrified.

The pregnancy went off without much excitement. The boys were born on October 16, 2008 via C-section. Randy weighed 5lbs 14 oz and Reece 5lbs 10 oz. They were absolutely perfect.

I never did make it to that wedding, though judging by the pictures it was a beautiful. However, I can't complain too much because I did end up with my Big Beasties.....I can honestly say, I love them more than I ever dreamt possible.

Reece on the left, Randy on right

P.S. I should note that the nuc in the picture is normal sized. The boys were just that tiny!!